I really liked Ta-Nehisi’s take on Weiner’s behavior, because it’s not just about the whats and whys of a “sexual scandal”, it’s about what Mr. Weiner’s actions say about his own short comings as a person:
There is something else at work here also — a lack of compassion. Here is where I differ with many of my liberal and libertarian friends. I believe that how you treat people matters. It is folly to embarrass your pregnant wife before an entire nation. To do the same thing again is cruelty. And there is the promise of more to come. One argument holds that what happens between Weiner and his wife is between them. I agree with this argument. But cruelty is not abolished by the phrase “consenting adults.” And the fact that the immoral is not, and should not be, illegal does not make morality meaningless. Huma Abedin has one choice. We have another. — Ta-Nehisi Coates
But here’s the part that no one is talking about that kind of trips me out, in all of this maybe only the people who are dealing with pornography addiction understand what Weiner has done. It’s called escalating. Until this man can recognize he has a problem, which as of today he doesn’t seem to think he does.. He’s going to keep hurting himself, his family, and his chances at maintaining a career.
Mr. Weiner had left many voters with the impression that his lewd behavior had ceased after his resignation, but after another episode became widely known on Tuesday, he acknowledged that his habit of sending messages to young women he met online had continued.
Mr. Weiner, a Democrat, said he was still seeking professional help for his online behavior, which he did not believe was an addiction.
That non-acknowledgement of the seriousness of his issues… aren’t the actions of a man who will be able to stop having sexting people. I can only imagine what W. feels like and any attempt to get inside his head would be projection. But here’s what I do know..
I know that the frequency with which he sought interactions with young women, the amount he kept on tap, and the graphic things he described to them mean his sexting is probably very tied up in his porn use and he escalated. Everyone seems to think he could have avoided this because they see it as simply being an issue of infidelity. But I’d be willing to bet a few hundred dollars that he masturbated often by himself and that did nothing to satisfy his need for outreach with other women.
On The Dirty, they posted pretty graphic messages. And if they’re true messages they speak not to an addiction to sex, but an addiction to dopamine (which many people have had in one way or another whether the release is tied to food, sex, or shoes).
Reading over the messages one thing is clear, Anthony Weiner watches/looks at a lot of porn. His favorite things to watch to get dopamine are fuckme pumps, blow jobs where women gag (while he’s holding their hair), hitting it so hard a woman’s pussy begs for mercy, hitting it deep, and ejaculating on women’s breasts. Sounds like the most popular porn search phrases on the internet right now.
Unlike the Dirty’s owner, I know that what this man is doing has nothing to do with his wife pleasing him in the bedroom. If he experiences what most people who use porn regularly do, he probably can’t even stay aroused with her from the shame and without fantasizing about porn images like the ones he describes.
It has something to do with a big black hole inside himself that he’s trying to fill with feeling good. It’s about escalating. It’s about making yourself feel better, giving yourself a little treat for all the stress you’ve had in your day. For some people that’s chocolate, for other it’s running a mile before bed, and for other’s still it’s porn or sex chat.
One of the most telling messages to me, is that much of their interaction is about power play. He says she is gorgeous, she then says basically worship the ground he walks on. She also mentions that she feels so lucky to have someone like him paying attention to her. His self worth and “sexiness” is derived from the illusion of control and very real adoration by vulnerable women.