And I can tell that it was because of how o feel silenced and controlled. When someone tells you how to talk. When after you talk they analyze and recontextualize what you say and tell you how you could or should have said it. When they tell you that one of your strongest skills with everyone else is the weakest when you’re talking to them. When they throw things. When they can’t control themselves. When they don’t act that way with any one else. When their apology is bent on you not voicing your opinion about it.
I know I’m messed up because I really want to eat a whole cake, a whole quart of ice cream. Anything with lots of sugar that will help me feel better temporarily. I have to stop myself from spending to make myself feel better. My vices are here and I have to keep telling them no.