I’ve learned so much in the few days since I bought The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography. One of the exercises in the book is to examine the type of porn you are watching and deconstruct it for clues as to the things you like.
Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation’s expectations. How could you be constantly synthesizing an orgasm [with a person] based on dozens of shots? You’re looking for the one … out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don’t finish. Twenty seconds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back and continue your shot hunt and continue to make yourself late for work. How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to.
As a child (4-10), I was sexually assaulted more than a few times. When I sought to gain control of that as a teen, it lead me into a series of “relationships” with older men who used me for sex. At the time I thought this was what I wanted, but I couldn’t understand why I felt so guilty and used after it.
I was raised as a Christian (and even though I am not a Christian and have no desire to be), I thought this was just that afterglow of guilt that someone else imprinted on me. In my mind, my true feelings were that having all this sex was liberating. Or were those my true feelings?
It’s all about choice! NSFW.
What brings me to this post? It’s not that everyone will be a porn addict, and the addiction isn’t really to porn. The addiction is to novelty. It’s through seeing new things, sometimes disgusting, other times sensual, and other times just plain unexplainable. Neuroscientists have a phrase, “Brain cells that fire together, wire together.”
It’s one of the reason why as we watch more and more porn, we begin to escalate, to seek new things. The old clips don’t get us off anymore. I know I’ve spent hours sometimes looking for the right clip, with the right thing to actually help me climax.
I don’t know why I ever thought it was fun. When my husband admitted to me he was running a porn blog, I was somewhat crushed. Especially for the bullshit reason he gave. But in the end, I was like whatever and I turned whatever I felt on myself. I started thinking this is what women in my generation do, we enjoy porn. I didn’t want to be the naggy wife, the wife who doesn’t support her guy and his kinky exploits. I was “sex positive” in the sense that I believed it was up to everyone to make their own choices. Continue reading