Go on out and hurt yourself.

Whenever I get angry, I think about hurting myself. I tell myself okay why don’t you just hurt yourself. It’s a terrible cycle. It hurts when you realize that maybe you aren’t as smart as you thought you were. Knowing you’ve been manipulated and knowing that its by the person you trusted the most cripples you. Suddenly you’re checking everything you thought you believed and wondering just what else you’ve been fooled by. It feels like everything. It feels like I should stop trying.  I’ll keep going, but everything I thought I knew about my relationship and love has been erased.

I only want to hear one song. Its dumb when you can remember the things your lover told you, but they can’t. Those words and promises meant something to you, but in reality they meant nothing to your lover. Rather they meant it when they said it, but its difficult to remebering saying it. Unfortunately, it’s out of sight and out of mind.  They never mean to hurt you but they do. They will. One day you won’t care what they say or what they meant. And neither will they. Finally youll treat them with the same abandon they treat their promses. Today’s the day. This month is the month. This year is the year. The words don’t matter anymore.